I have been given the privilege of becoming a mother, a job I take to heart with every spirit of my being. I confess sometimes I struggle with wanting more than that unique position. Not because I don’t think its enough of its not of great worth, but on the contrary, sometimes I think I’m not the right person for the job.
You see I would love to run a company or help organize a nonprofit. I’m absolutely am all for women’s empowerment. I could motivate people and take charge, I’m Puerto Rican and from New York, it’s sort of inbred in our DNA. Now I’m not saying any of that to offend or demean, truly I say it because its some of the things that have molded my life. However, none of the joys that I have had working for myself or for others, brings me the deep joy or even sadness of raising children. My heart truly aches when I have messed up, and nothing brings me more joy when one of my teenage children sit right next to me and hang on me like sloth. I don’t say that in a derogatory way but in a way that you can understand that they still want to be around me and my husband. I relish it because I know all too soon, they will be gone with families of their own, and Lord I can’t wait for grandchildren. Yes I’m still very young, but one day I pray that my children will have children and I will get the joy of loving and spoiling them with out the added responsibility of raising them.
Now I say some of the things, because its truly God that has given me a direction. He has led my life for the last 20 years and everyday continues to guide my direction. My attitude of servitude I bring to every job I have had in the last 20 or so years, including being a mother. I trust God to carry me through the scariness of mothering children or serving clients. I’m also a Realtor and I have my own clients and business. I know what it is to work hard on a contract at midnight or negotiate while on your vacation. To be called at the last minute to show a property when you are already set on something else. Sometimes I say OK and sometimes I say no because I can sacrifice a lot for my clients but I can’t sacrifice my family. I am the CEO, CFO and President of my own business, and yet I know what its like to want more from your business, but struggle with the balance of family.
Brian Buffini, who is a worldwide Real Estate coach, always says you don’t want to balance your life because that implies that you have arrived, but BALANCING, because you’re always moving and evolving.
Like many other women, when I’m working, I’m wondering what my children are doing, have I missed something, and many times I have and when I’m with my kids I’m always wondering if there is anything I could be doing for my business of my clients. I keep thinking what am I forgetting?
My girlfriends and I use to joke that if we became mothers, we would need enough money to need therapy. I’m not an easy mom by any means. I can be loud, bossy, impatient, selfish, stubborn, neurotic and fearful, but my deepest desire is not just to be loving, encouraging, and supportive, but to also be respectful, honoring and kind.
Too often we want our children to obey us and to respect us as moms. To not challenge every word we say, to do the things we have asked without question, but why? Now I’m not saying to let them get away with the sass and the attitude, but we should also be listening to what they have to say.
On top of that like many mom’s I manage the finances of our house, grocery shopping, household errands and carpooling for activities, no we don’t have a teen driver…. yet. Now before you get this wrong, I’m neither single mom nor trying to be super woman, I hate that title and it implies I’m trying to be more than I am. Being a mother is really hard. I constantly find myself questioning every move and every word I say, but it is the best job I have ever had. I am grateful for the chance to love on these people.
Now you might be thinking, well what about your husband? Well my husband who is amazing in his own right, works 50 to 60 hours a week for his company, helps with budgeting, meal planning, coaching our kids sports teams and mentoring. We both volunteer with junior highers, and for me my eight, 12 to 13 aged girls, my college aged girls are all like my other children. I care about their hearts, souls and minds. I care about who they become and what they do with their lives. What I have found whether it’s my own children or the girls I mentor is that the most important thing to do is LISTEN. We are so often ready to speak, judge, give guidance or direction when sometimes the most important thing we can do is just to listen.
Listen to their hearts and remember what it was like, you may not have the answers for what they want to hear, but you can listen and understand that they just want to be HEARD. Isn’t that what we all want. I’ll admit sometimes I struggle with just listening, and sometimes I’m not going to lie, I tune out some of the things that I do not understand, do not get me started on my son’s action adventure details. But I will always look at them in the eye and listen as they pour their hearts out and encourage them to dream, to talk, to grow and pray that they always know they are loved. Its not always easy, especially with a sassy attitude driven teen or whiny five year old, but if you find the right time to just sit and listen, do it. Don’t let the business of life, or the chore list, or the work list take that time away form you.
I hope you will follow along with me and share life with me through this journey.
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